Why I'm Still Hanging Around - 11/7/2008

My father and I had an interesting conversation yesterday, one of many in our years together.  It was about why people don't choose to commit suicide more often, considering all of the suffering in this world.  Furthermore, it was about us in specific.  Why my father hasn't died considering he doesn't have a job and is feeling rather useless (I assume he was referring to himself in our conversation, it was implied at any rate)....and why aren't I in MoPH after I did what I needed to do at Stonehenge?  These are some pretty heady questions, and I found it rather fascinating to contemplate why we as a species continue to stick around despite the fact that entropy seems to be the order of the day.

Is it the fear of dying, of suffering in Hell for an eternity? Or is it fear of the nothingness that may await us should consciousness be a cosmic accident?  Or how about hope?  Do we HOPE  things will get better, that a divine order and purpose will reveal itself to us and give our lives meaning?  Or do we merely hope that our lives will turn around, that we'll meet that perfect mate, find that fulfilling job, or hit the lottery....and enjoy life effortlessly for the first time since we were children?

I like to think that we continue to survive not because of fear or hope, or even as a biological imperative.  No, the reason people who hate their lives don't TAKE them is, I feel, out of sheer morbid curiosity.  We all have a vested interest in seeing how things play out.  Whether we're content, miserable, or happy beyond measure....we live our lives for new experiences, to find out what happens next.  To discover the joys and the pains that being alive entails, and to ultimately see how it's all gonna end.

I know what comes directly after my death on this planet, but I must admit....I suppose I am interested in seeing how I get there.  Hopefully I won't be waiting and watching for too long, or maybe life will SHAKES THINGS UP A BIT, cause my routine has become incredibly tedious.