Spiritual Subterfuge - 3/23/2009
Yesterday, I was doing my thing at work when an old lady and what I could only assume was her middle-aged daughter entered my department. I was filled with a great deal of empathy for the daughter, because she had a very pleasant energy and she appeared to be burdened by down syndrome. I smiled at them, and proceeded to day-dream about being in MoPH, returning to that moment...or to that family at another location, and healing the daughter, which would no doubt elate the mother and bring peace and happiness to both in kind.
What an utterly preposterous, selfish, and despicable day-dream. I chastised myself immediately after for my unimaginable gall and realized that this girl CHOSE to experience life with down syndrome. It was her spirit's desire to incarnate into a body with that particular "affliction", and I had no right to violate her free will just to manifest my idea of how she SHOULD look/act/feel. Besides, who's to say her mental retardation is an affliction in the first place? Perhaps she brings great joy to her mother with her childlike innocence and wonder. Maybe her mom is fulfilled by being there to support her child throughout her entire life. And maybe the daughter herself is experiencing a consciousness that is completely guilt-free, unencumbered by fear, hurt, or anger. What appeared to me like a form of suffering may, in fact, be an enlightened state of being for her. How incredibly naive and arrogant of me to want to heal someone who's probably a lot happier than I am!
But, who's to say? I don't know if people with her particular case of down syndrome are miserable or if they're exuberant. I guess I'll ask Bob once I get to MoPH. But let's say, for the sake of argument, that mentally she's frustrated and resentful of her condition. Then, let us also say that she has enough awareness to realize that she's a burden on her family and thus hates herself because of it. Let's say that she despises the way she looks and feels, but lacks the capacity to convey that to the outside world. So, it's her spirit's desire to experience life in that fashion, but every other aspect of her being protests against it?! She cannot find peace or solace within, and she'll have to wait for death before her spirit can fully rejoice in the decision it's made to live life as she had?
WHAT A CROCK OF ASS!! We're a three-fold being. So why does the Spirit get precedence over the mind and body?? It's ways are secret and it's machinations are hidden to us. We'll only fully know it's intentions once we've DIED!! So why is it that the Spirits choices often lead us to so much suffering and pain on earth? Does it really DESIRE to experience so many limitations in life, all so that it can enjoy total and complete freedom after loosing the shackles of this mortal coil? Why do we have to wait? Why can't the mind, body, and soul be in agreement with one another and create life CONSCIOUSLY in union? I of course know that they CAN, that's the whole point of enlightenment/ascension/mastery. . whatever. But my question is why does it always seem like, if we go to default mode. . .the unconscious takes over, and puts us on a path that might very well suck the living shit out of everything ever, only because the desires of our spirit are mysterious and unknown to us. I don't get it. Life shouldn't be this hard, and if I want to heal that woman when I come back from MoPH, I should bloody damn well be able to, REGARDLESS of what her soul's desire was. Yeah, that's selfish. But it's selfishness in the guise of selflessness, and that's a level of pretension that I feel comfortable operating from.
