| Zombie Jesus, the MOVIE - September 27, 2008 |
I'm not about to sit here and lie to you, so I won't claim to have originated the whole Zombie Jesus conceit...as the brilliant and sorely missed Futurama is to thank for THAT phrase. However, I would like to expand their idea into a feature film where Jesus comes back, only as a killer zombie since...you know..apparently he was crucified. So I'm thinking about setting it after he arose from his cave on the third day, only instead of preaching to the masses, he devours their brains. The tagline will read something like "He came back to save mankind, for LUNCH!" Soon God will realize that his Son's ascension didn't quite go according to plan, and so He sends angels down to retrieve him, only Jesus infects them with his zombitus and thus an army of zombies is unleashed upon the earth. Eventually, God resigns to allow the Devil to walk the earth again, but only for as long as it takes him to kill the zombie angels and utterly destroys Zombie Jesus, so his soul can return to Heaven. It'll be a kick-ass zombie/war film with blood, gore, laughs, and ...hope. It'll be sure to offend Christians and idiots (and?) everywhere. Whattya think? Is this a movie you'd like to see or WHAT? ?> |
| Sobik's Sucks my Ass - September 14, 2008 |
I haven't eaten at a Sobiks's since I was about 7 years old, and today on my way home from my sisters I stopped at one to try and spice things up, seeing as how I eat at Subway EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK! Well, I just realized why I haven't eaten at Sobik's in 21 years; it's horrible. As a self-proclaimed sub-connoisseur, I like to think I know what it takes to make a good sub. And for the record, Subway doesn't have great subs, but they DO have great Tuna fish, also their fresh-baked cookies are amazing, and you can't beat the price for a pretty filling meal. Besides, their Italian Herb and Cheese bread is delicious. Which brings me to my point. Sobik's wouldn't be that bad if it had good bread. Bread can make or break a sub. Afterall, you can get your deli meat and cheeses anywhere, and it doesn't take a rocket-scientist to figure out that adding condiments to them and various trimmings makes the food that much tastier. But the BREAD part of the sub makes the food...well, easier to stuff down your fat face. And this manageability makes the bread absolutely essential to the sub eating process. Well, Sobik's has two different types of bread. White and Wheat. How revolutionary. I guess I could deal with the pitiful lack of options if either was edible, but both taste like something you'd find in the kitchen of a nursing home or the cafeteria of an elementary school for retarded children. They're tasteless, chewy, and an insult to carbs everywhere. Also, the Sobik's I went to was run by a group of Indians, and dunno if this is true for the entire chain, but it would certainly explain why the sub I ate was horrible. I dunno what this has to do with anything, except for the fact that I'm not a fan of Indians, because one once kicked me out of a taxi in Liverpool cause my friend was too drunk. So yah, fuck Indians, and fuck Sobik's. Done. ?> |
| Prego Porn is SICKENING - September 9, 2008 |
I'll readily admit to being a pervert, but only to some extent. For instance, I recently saw a threesome with a pretty girl, a woman, and some guy, and the woman was like...six months pregnant. And ya know, I was actually DISGUSTED by what I was seeing. There's something that's just so intrinsically WRONG with making a porn with a woman who's pregnant. If EYE was that baby and at some point in the future found out that my mom made a porn film while I was gestating inside her stomach, I WOULD SUE THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF HER! After I beat her to a bloody pulp, of course. What would convince a mother-to-be to do something this depraved? Money? Is that really worth setting up your child to HATE you?? It's much much worse than abortion, in my opinion. In both instances, you're taking the choice away from your baby and making a huge decision for them, but at least with abortion the baby doesn't have to LIVE with your choice. If you fuck a guy on film when you're pregnant, however, you map out the road for your child . . and it's a bleak, dark road to be sure. If they ever find out what you did, I would be INCREDIBLY SURPRISED if they didn't exact their vengeance upon you by doing something wholly unimaginable and downright evil. And let's face it, any action they take to get back at you will be COMPLETELY WARRANTED. You should be ashamed of yourself, deeply ashamed, and I would personally like to take a cue from Jack Black here and do exactly what he says to any pregnant woman who prostitutes themselves and their baby for the sake of financial gain. (video clip courtesy of Tracy) ?> |
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