A Thanksgiving Day Analogy - November 27th, 2008
I've often daydreamt about going back in time to the days of infenity and showing them a game like Halo for the first time, as Halo is the best FPS ever, and a halo was our official logo.  Also, we used to team up and play Goldeneye back in the day, and that was an outrageous amount of fun, so playing Halo with the boys would've been unbelievable.  However, I think that introducing a game as perfect as Halo back in the day of 64bit choppy graphics, slowdown, and a stuttering frame-rate would be detrimental to the appreciation of just what a staggering achievement Halo was when it was released in 2000.  We had to get there in stages, and a game like Halo could only be fully realized after an evolution of inferior FPS games.  

Likewise, I've thought about travelling back to the golden days of Hollywood, the twenties or thirties, and showing the audiences something extraordinary like Star Wars or the Lord of the Rings just to see their reaction.  But perhaps they wouldn't truly understand the revolutionary technical achievements nor fully grasp the size and scope of what they were seeing.  Maybe we can only really recognize something magnificent if it takes awhile to get there, enduring various levels of mediocrity until we reach the pinnacle of perfection.  Now of course I'm not saying we can't enjoy the ride.  Certainly there have been amazing works at EVERY level of progress, as is evidenced by the Wizard of Oz, Gone With the Wind, Tetris, Legend of Zelda, Metroid, and so on and so forth.  But my point is that I doubt an 8 year old me would be as blown away by a game like Super Mario Galaxy if I was unfamiliar with the original Super Mario Brothers and the whole 8-bit / 16 bit / 32 bit/ 64bit and 128 bit generations that proceeded it's conception.

I'm dying to show both of you (I assume I'm talking to my two girl friends here) Once More, With Feeling....the irrefutably best thing that television has ever created.  It's the musical episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and it comes in season 6 after a world of drama and phenomenal story-telling.  Unfortunately, I'll never show either of you this episode....even if it is the greatest thing you'll ever see. . .because there's no way you'd appreciate it on the same level as someone who understands just how genre-defying, unique, and spectacular it is.  The only way you'd truly GET how brilliant Once More, With Feeling was is if you watched every episode that lead up to it.

In any event, my analogy is probably pretty obvious by now, but I'll state it anyway.  Maybe enlightenment can only come after various successive stages of being unconscious.  Evolution is necessary so that we can inherit our grandeur experientially.

And when the journey is finally over, only then can we truly appreciate how overwhelming and beautiful the realization of our unity is.

World Philosophy Day - November 20th, 2008

Thank god for Reddit.  If it weren't for that site, my only source of information would be the Daily Show, the Colbert Report, and New Scientist....and I'd undoubtedly have more time to update this page.  Phew, bullet dodged.  At any rate, I found out that today was World Philosophy Day on reddit and so I guess I'm obliged to write something heady and contemplative on this site.  And you're in luck, cause I've been thinking about something for awhile now that really JERKS MY GHERKIN!

You've probably heard the quote "Why is everything good in life either illegal, immoral, or fattening?"  And I'm here to ask, why is it that old adage so true?  It's not just a clever and painful observation, it's an actual objective FACT for many of us...and my question is, WHY IS THAT THE CASE?? Sex?  Immoral.  Don't enjoy it.  Engage in only for procreation. . .and never with yourself or some cheap hooker.  Food?  Eat just enough, don't over indulge, stay away from sugars, carbs, and the foods that taste delicious.  They're unhealthy.  Alcohol?  Drink too much of it, you'll get arrested for a DUI or a bar brawl or slapping your mother around.  Drink more than one and you'll suffer from a hangover the likes of which may convince you to stop drinking entirely if it WEREN'T SO MUCH FUN!!!  Cocaine?  Sweet nectar of life?  Illegal, expensive, and it hurts your body (or so they CLAIM!).  Punching your boss in the face?  Unbridled ecstasy may kill you, and at the very least you'll get arrested.  Money?  Don't covet it, don't horde it, don't enjoy it, hate it when you don't have it....certainly don't use it as toilet paper.  Piracy?  Illegal.  (who knew!?)  Killing your neighbors shrieking wiener dogs and then roasting them on an open fire?  Unlawful fun that is oh so worth it.  And on and on and on.

Conversely, the things that we hate doing in this world are both necessary for our health, and for our pockets.  Most of us have a great deal of contempt for our work, whatever it is we do for a living.  Yet we must return day in and day out so that we can keep ourselves comfortable and fed.  Working out and dieting are excruciatingly painful and stupid, sapping us of both our time and money....yet in order to look our best, we must keep up our routine of starving ourselves and killing our muscles around steroid-enhanced alpha-males.  Improving our mind by learning new facts and ideas takes an innumerable amount of yawn-inducing hours spent reading, studying, memorizing, and listening.  And if we want to save our souls from eternal damnation, we have to be NICE to eachother, go to CHURCH on Sunday mornings, and TITHE for the love of God.

My belief is that the best things in life were designed to be bad for you, in one way or another.  Yaldaboath and his demonic posse are in control of this world, so naturally they would want us to feel ashamed of the things that bring us the most pleasure.  Whether you're fucking an hpoa in the ass or stuffing your face with Turkish Delight, you're going to rue the day you enjoyed yourself when you're swimming in chlamydia and obesity.  I want to indulge in the best things life has to offer.  I want immediate satisfaction and I don't want to pay for enjoying myself in the end.  Is that too much to ask?   And I don't want to start hating the things I love just to trick the universe into giving me more of it, and I definitely don't want to start loving the things I DESPISE, because where's the fun in that?  My shit job isn't getting my appreciation any time soon, you can bet your sweet ass on that!!  

So what can be done to mitigate our shitty situation here on this earth?  I think the only way to go about truly enjoying our lives AND ourselves is by toppling the regime.  By overthrowing those who've enslaved us!!!  Now, I don't know if I mean this literally or figuratively. . . perhaps we just have to change our mind about who's oppressing us and subsequently our social dynamic would fundamentally alter.  This in turn would bring about a radical change in the way we approach situations, and thus our own personal experiences would be drastically different.  Or maybe it means there's a gigantic matrix out there that we need to unplug from, or there's an ultra-dimensional presence in charge of this world in the form or shape-shifting lizards.  Who knows!!  I know that EYE have a specific way for escaping this prison and then returning as the Warden or something (I could never invent a clever analogy, leave me alone) but that's not until I DIE.  So in the meantime I'm looking forward to this revolution happening here on earth because people have HAD IT with the strange dichotomy of suffering from enjoyment.  Alas, you fuckers are too apathetic.  Which brings me to another quotable I'll leave you with on this day of insight and intellect.  

"What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?  I don't know and I don't care."  


?>


Katy Perry is a Horrid Bint  - November 17th, 2008
This woman drives me crazy, and here's a few reasons why.  First, her music and lyrics are decidedly and incontrovertibly lazy.  "We fight we break up, we kiss we make up." does not constitute a clever lyric, rhyme, or anecdote by anyone's definition, and I fucking HATE IT.  

Furthermore, her song about kissing a girl and liking it was done already, about 12 years ago....by Jill Sobule.  And that song was actually tolerable, and even slightly cute.  Whereas Katy's song about being a lesbian is the very epitome of ghastly.  Seriously, this woman looks like a white-trash version of Zooey Deschanel after she gets done dry humping a wild stallion at the rodeo on cocaine.  No one should allow this woman to make another song, and if you like her music or her ugly face, go fuck yourself.



Why I'm Still Hanging Around - November 7th, 2008

My father and I had an interesting conversation yesterday, one of many in our years together.  It was about why people don't choose to commit suicide more often, considering all of the suffering in this world.  Furthermore, it was about us in specific.  Why my father hasn't died considering he doesn't have a job and is feeling rather useless (I assume he was referring to himself in our conversation, it was implied at any rate)....and why aren't I in MoPH after I did what I needed to do at Stonehenge?  These are some pretty heady questions, and I found it rather fascinating to contemplate why we as a species continue to stick around despite the fact that entropy seems to be the order of the day.

Is it the fear of dying, of suffering in Hell for an eternity? Or is it fear of the nothingness that may await us should consciousness be a cosmic accident?  Or how about hope?  Do we HOPE  things will get better, that a divine order and purpose will reveal itself to us and give our lives meaning?  Or do we merely hope that our lives will turn around, that we'll meet that perfect mate, find that fulfilling job, or hit the lottery....and enjoy life effortlessly for the first time since we were children?

I like to think that we continue to survive not because of fear or hope, or even as a biological imperative.  No, the reason people who hate their lives don't TAKE them is, I feel, out of sheer morbid curiosity.  We all have a vested interest in seeing how things play out.  Whether we're content, miserable, or happy beyond measure....we live our lives for new experiences, to find out what happens next.  To discover the joys and the pains that being alive entails, and to ultimately see how it's all gonna end.

I know what comes directly after my death on this planet, but I must admit....I suppose I am interested in seeing how I get there.  Hopefully I won't be waiting and watching for too long, or maybe life will SHAKES THINGS UP A BIT, cause my routine has become incredibly tedious.

 
YES WE CAN!!  - November 5th, 2008

I obviously voted for Barack Obama because A) I'm not an idiot, 2) he's a strong, intelligent natural-born leader and D) Palin is the stupidest bint on the face of the planet.  Honestly, there are many reasons I voted for Obama, and I THANK GOD IN HEAVEN that the American people didn't let me down again and force me to move to CANADA.  I'd sooner put a gun in my mouth.

At any rate, I may have ...at one point in my life...been a bit of an insensitive asshole.  And I've realized that and have made a conscious decision to change.  I won't tolerate intolerance anymore, and I'm not gonna put up with the closet-racism that I'm surrounded with day in and day out.    

See, I live in the south, so there's still a great deal of animosity for black people, or educated people, or people who know how to read.  In fact, my co-workers make racial slurs and jokes all the time...and for awhile I suppose I was somewhat amused.  But now things have changed.  I've changed.  It's not funny anymore.  I can't imagine how it ever was.   Today I put my foot down and told them, straight up, that I don't want to hear it and keep your hatred to yourself.  I was resolute and sincere about it too, if you wanna crack jokes about Obama do it because of his policies, not because of his skin color.  That's just lazy humor and I'm sick of it.

Listen to this shit; my assistant manager was trying to persuade us to vote McCain for about a month before the election.  And he was very vocal and demanding about it too.  Seems to me that the less you know about issues, the more fervent your beliefs about them are.  His efforts were in vain, thank fuck...but I had a mind to tell my district manager about his utter disregard for our companies RULES OF CONDUCT regarding religion and politics.  I didn't do that because I do feel karma would've bitten me in the ass for being a little tattle tale, but I take solace in knowing that he's probably at home alone, crying naked in a dark room as he clings to his shotgun and his rigid, moronic right-wing mentality. 

OBAMA 2008 WOOO!!!  You, my good sir, have a lot of shit to clean up....  I don't envy the massive undertaking that awaits you.  But for the first time in 8 years I honestly feel hopeful about this nation's future.

APPLIANCE Direct! - November 2nd - 2008


I don't know if you have to deal with these where you live, but because God loves me so much I get to watch Appliance Direct commercials every 2 minutes or so.  In case you've never had the luxury of seeing one for yourself, I've included a sample video below.  

Well?  I know.  Worst.  Thing.  Ever.

Seriously, when I first heard these commercials on the radio, I thought the guy was retarded...as in, he had down-syndrome.  I was thinking "This guy is trying to sell me kitchen and laundry appliances with a mental handicap, are you kidding me?  But then they started buying airtime on my local Comedy Central provider and I saw, for myself, that he's merely an Asian. Possibly retarded as well, but you can't really tell with orientals.  

So for the last few months ~everytime Comedy Central cuts to a commercial~ It's for APPLIANCE Direct!!   Now.  You know more.  Than salesmen do.  Three fifty five...in da box!  If you didn't buy appliance direct, than you payed too much!!  

ARGH, these incessant quotes repeat in my head CONSTANTLY and worse, I can't stop repeating them aloud for all to hear.  With that horrible chinese mouth-full-of-fortune-cookie accent of his.  It's driving me INSANE, and I feel bad for anyone who'se ever had the misfortune of watching these borderline SADISTIC FUCKING COMMERCIALS!  

You watch now.

(note, I can't find a truly annoying Appliance Direct commercial on youtube, unfortunately.  the ones they do have are all fairly tolerable.  NOTHING like the commercials they usually play every five minutes)

  
>?>




June 2008                    July 2008               August 2008           September 2008      October 2008               Contact                           Reviews with Music