It's strange, but whenever I sit
down at my keyboard or piano to play it, I feel like I'm presented with
a difficult decision. A choice which will effect the rest of the
performance, for good or ill. The weight of my indecision is
usually very strenuous, and oftentimes I resign to simply NOT play
because of this burden. You see, I'm referring to the unlimited
possibilities that exist whenever I sit in front of the piano. I
can choose to play something old, something familiar, something I know
in my bones without having to think about. Or I can make
something up as I go, playing whatever melody comes to mind (which I
often do on Sound of Thought). Then again, I can attempt to play
a piece I'd have to read on sheet music, which is a very slow,
methodical process for me. I could also let go of my thought, and
simply sit in front of the piano until inspiration strikes me and I
play whatever is stirring within my soul. This meditative form of
music is soothing to me, and I never record it as I feel it's a very
personal expression of a higher state of being...regardless of whether
or not it's particularly melodic.
At any rate, either way I choose to begin playing the piano...that
choice feels like I've set myself on a certain inalterable path.
As though I've honed in on a definite train of thought which pushes me
in one direction instead of another. And whereas before I started
playing I felt I had limitless potential for creation, once I start
that first song it feels like I've locked myself on a specific journey
that completely narrows my options. What's worse is that I don't
feel like I have the power to change the course of the music I play
afterwards.
It's a lot like birth. The soul chooses to incarnate in a
specific body in a particular dimension at a certain moment in
time. And while the soul has an infinite amount of possibilities
to pick from, whatever it's ultimate choice is will inevitably limit
its experiences once it resides with/within a body.
Now I know this analogy is a bit of a stretch, as I could simply choose
to play whatever I want, that no rules have been imposed on me and that
I'm making these restrictions up in my head. Be that as it may,
it simply FEELS as though I cannot alter the course of music once I
start playing that first song, regardless of how much I struggle to
change it. Metaphor for life? For fate vs. free will?
Who knows, I'm just telling you why I don't play music as much as I
want to. Because once I sit down and begin a song, the rest of
the music seems to be set in stone, and so what is accomplished?
Even when I'm being spontaneous and making up new music, whatever comes
after that seems to exist solely from what proceeded it.
I cannot escape causation when I play music and I simply MUST if I want
to create anything real or of meaning, like so many musicians have done
before me. This form of creative ennui has stymied the potential
of too many artists throughout history, and I have to break through
this energy of reductive expression if I wish to become a better
pianist.
Fear Factory - May
24, 2009
I've discussed
fear before in greater detail than I will right now, but I've had a
thought recently that's worthy of exploring further. You see, I
believe that animals are conscious. Probably not like you or I,
but I feel they operate from a collective unconscious and that they
most certainly feel pain. Regardless of ones spiritual beliefs,
most people will concede that animals feel pain as a purely
evolutionary imperative, as it ensures their survival when faced with
danger. They're not going to go walking into the jaws of a
vicious predator because there's an awareness there. A genetic
memory of pain, and thus....to avoid this experience, there's the
presence of fear. Fear is what activates the fight or flight
mechanism inherent in every conscious being. So, since I've
established that fear and pain exist within the animal kingdom (or at
least I've established this theoretically through my own BELIEFS...bare
with me here)....I have to ask, what kind of world are we creating with
our present system of meat harvesting?
Surely the countless slaughterhouses throughout the world create some
sort of negative energy. There's no way that approximately 90,000
cows are butchered a day without spiritual repercussions. And
that's
not taking into account all the sorts of other wildlife and
domesticated animals that we slaughter for future consumption.
And there is no way you can compare this the hunter-gatherers of
antiquity. There's was a matter of survival, and there was no
malicious intent underlying their actions. Today, we harvest and
breed vast quantities of domesticated animals simply to sell their meat
and organs for profit. It's not even about consumption anymore,
not for those that are running the slaughterhouses. It's all
about money. And the fear that these places create in the
collective consciousness of the animal that is being raised and fed for
the sole purpose of DYING is no doubt released into the ether
to...what, disappear for eternity? Energy can neither be created
nor destroyed, so that fear has to go SOMEWHERE!!
Well guess what? It goes into us, into our beings. We
consume it when we eat our hamburgers, or chicken breasts, our steaks,
our bacon, our turkey, etc... We breathe it in when we step
outside, for the energy of death is all around us. It is a
palpable presence of fear and suffering that is perpetuated, not by
some outside agents. Not by a secret order of the powerful elite,
nor archons, or demons, or anything our imaginations can create.
No, this energy is created exclusively by our actions, ones which we
perform routinely again and again without caring about the
consequences. Well, you can see the state of the world. Why
is there so much pain, fear, and suffering in society? Because we
are inflicting those experiences on "lesser" mammals for personal gain,
day in and day out. This energy will never dissipate until we all
become true vegetarians, or at least bring an end to the injustice and
barbarism of death farms throughout the world.
