Goodbye Grandma.. - 4/26/2009

This world is sick.  I hate our backwards, twisted mentality.  . how medicine is a business, and how we keep people alive who are suffering simply because there is money to be made from insurance companies and from the patients' families.  My grandmother was in Hospice since Wednesday.  She passed away early this morning while I was at work.  I spent a lot of time with her in Hospice as she slowly withered away.  Her body was battered and thin, and when her eyes were open they were glazed and frightened.  I comforted her as much as I could, petting her lovingly and stroking her hair.  But since Friday her eyes were sealed shut, and I hadn't felt her presence inside at all.  It's almost like I could feel that her spirit had left. 

Yes, I'll actually agree with my parents on that particular delusion. . only I felt it happened a few days later than they did.  At any rate, there was no reason why her body should have persisted on until today, except she was really strong in her life and she had a pace-maker that kept pumping away, keeping her body alive when it probably shouldn't have.  Now, I don't see why we feel so comfortable with euthanasia for animals that are in pain, yet a human being that's suffering can't be shown the same fucking respect?  No, taking a humans life quickly and painlessly is out of the question.  Instead, they are hooked up to an oxygen machine and deprived of food and water, KILLING THEM BY DEHYDRATION AND STARVATION IN THE SLOWEST WAY POSSIBLE!!  This is grossly inhumane and absolutely disgusting, I can't believe this is common practice in a "civilized" society.  What the fuck is wrong with us?????

My grandmother was the best grams anyone could've ever asked for.  She was so sweet to me, she never EVER judged me. . no matter what. . .and I've done some pretty fucked up things in my life.  She was beautiful, even in her old age, even with a slight beard, even with dried lips and bruises that would cover entire portions of her arms from where iv's punctured her skin in the hopes to find a vein.  Elsa was fun and good-natured, always seeing the best in me and my sister.  She and mom were inseparable throughout their life, as in they literally never parted company for very long.  Grams has always lived with mom up until the nursing home these last two years, and whenever Elsa got sick mom would follow suit.  There was something like an invisible philotic connection stretching between them which kept their bodies in sync. But Elsa's personality was always the cheerier of the two. 

She never took anything too seriously, she was loving to everyone and everyone in turn loved HER.  People truly enjoyed her company, as she had an  easy-going care-free nature that was immediately endearing.  She was quick to laugh, and she always smiled whenever she would see me or Kristi.

I'll always remember her dancing to her cherished Spanish music and going with her to see her family in Orlando and Deltona, fellow Puerto Ricans with wonderful spirits and great personalities.  They've all departed now, all her brothers and sisters, and all of her ex-husbands.  I know she's happier now, walking without hindrance, rejoicing with her siblings and friends, and embraced in love and light.  She was my angel throughout my life, and now in death she really will be. 

My beautiful grams....I love you with all my heart and I always have.  I'll see you in MoPH one perfect day.  Until then, farewell.