The Sound of Thought

The Cameraman is Fucking Retarded - February 20th, 2009

While I don't do movie reviews on this site, I'm going to mention the horror film Quarantine as I just watched it, and it's an exceptionally strong genre movie. It sticks to familiar conventions, yet manages to breathe new life into an otherwise typical premise with some truly horrific imagery. Much of the intensity of the film is due to the behind-the-camera perspective, you know. . .that vomit-inducing, out-of-focus crap they pulled on us in the Blair Witch Project, and the more recent Cloverfield. But while I do like the immediacy and sense of immersion in these kind of movies, I also can't understand the necessity of a damn cameraman. Why rely on this lame writing device when it can be disorienting and worse. . . inexplicable to actually EXPLAIN on film?!!?!?

Seriously, what cameraman in his right mind would KEEP ON FILMING when he's being chased by SADISTIC CARNIVOROUS PSEUDO-ZOMBIES? Everyone, no matter how monumental and other-worldly the situation is. . .would drop the camera and defend themselves, or at the very least RUN THE FUCK AWAY. The importance of survival, in survival-horror fare such as this. . .is mitigated by the inclusion of a cameraman who's filming the events for our viewing pleasure, making sure we see the look on the zombies face right before he TEARS THE CAMERA-MAN'S EYEBALLS OUT OF HIS SOCKET FOR FILMING HIM INSTEAD OF FLEEING!!!!

Now, I have a clever solution that few have implemented in a movie like this. Why not just put the perspective behind the eyes of one of our key players? That way we get to see all the action from a first-person point of view, AND we become heavily invested in the characters and events at the same time. Makes sense, doesn't it? Fucking Hollywood man, do I have to think of EVERYTHING? The next time you're gonna make an end of the world, low-budget, character-driven thriller.....MAKE IT A FPS!! Only, not FPS like first-person shooter as much as first-person shooting, as in . you shot the film from the first-person perspective, oh, YOU GET WHAT I'M SAYING!!

A New Study Indicates ... - February 9th, 2009

Just a little something I've known for AGES. It posits that while money can't buy happiness, it can make you happier if you use your money to buy new experiences instead of more STUFF. Well no fucking SHIT! Material possessions will never fulfill you, no matter how expensive they are, how sexy they make you feel, or how sleek their design.

Life is about living...and new experiences are what invigorate the soul and give meaning to your otherwise insignificant existence. If you do the same thing day in and day out, your sleep-walking through your life. You're on zombie auto-pilot and you may as well be dead.

So if you have the means, or even if you don't, I strongly encourage you to travel, go to foreign lands, visit new sites, expose yourself to different cultures, try new things and use your money to SEE THE WORLD!!

And please take me with you for the love of God???

The Problem with House - February 2nd, 2009

Oh, there's so many problems with this show it's a wonder it's been on for six seasons. That's not to say it's stupid, or not worth watching. In fact, the show. . like it's titular character, is amusing and entertaining despite it's short-comings. House is an arrogant, self-obsessed jackass. . but he's also a genius at diagnosing diseases that other doctors would otherwise miss or might not even have heard of. Now, I'm not going to feign awareness of the shows characters (though Cameron is gorgeous and I'm visiting her in MoPH if you know what I mean and I think you do)....because I've only watched episodes sporadically, in no particular order. And you know what? I don't think that matters. Besides every episode practically being self-contained, they are all COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY SIMILAR TO EACHOTHER! One could almost say they're the exact same thing with only minor variances to differentiate them between one another.

Anyone who's ever watched the show knows what I'm talking about. House and his team of doctors stand around debating about their dying patient, flinging outrageous words that must represent diseases or disorders that the writing team found on Wikipedia. . .only to jump to inevitably false conclusions about the prognosis at the half-way mark through the episode. This brings the patient to the very brink of death, and House gets reprimanded for his maverick, renegade approach to medicine by the hospitals Dean of Medicine, Dr. Lisa Cuddy. He stands firm however, despite her threats, and continues performing treatment the way he sees fit. Then, invariably, House will see/hear/experience something that will cause him to have an epiphany and realize what the problem is. . .healing the dying patient and proving that he is a God among men. This is the pattern that repeats, ad nauseam, through every episode I've ever watched......and while it's predictability is comforting, it's also rather tiresome.

But whatever, I'm not here to review the show....I haven't watched enough of it to give it a fair critique. My problem is with House himself. Let's face it. House is handsome. My girlfriend wants to have sex with him as a matter of fact! He's also funny in a cynical, blunt, brutally honest kind of way. He's intelligent beyond measure, as I've already established.. . .and what's more, he's a talented pianist. He can play the jazz melodies that I have such a problem with. To say that I envy this prick is a vast understatement. Who cares if he's suffering and addicted to pain killers because of his leg? At least he can TALK! I hate him I hate him I hate him. . and you know what? In MoPH, I am going to pay him a visit and heal his leg. This would completely negate his reasons for being a cantankerous moody curmudgeon, and without the constant pain he'd have to act like an actual human being for once. Take THAT you fucking ego-centric cock!!