Playing Devil's Advocate - July 19, 2010

I never understood why it is that religion cast aspersion on the Arch-Angel Lucifer.  Of course every fiction needs a bad guy, a negative force to battle with and triumph over in the end, but the angel Lucifer, whether taken as a literal or figurative presence in theology, is far more interesting to me than he is malevolent.   He may be defiant, but he's a Helluva lot of fun, and in the Koran, he was actually the most cherished of God's Angels, sent to Hell not because he challenged Authority, but because he refused to love mankind as much as he loved God.  He objected to the Father, saying he couldn't possibly love God's creations as much as he loved God Himself, and thus he was sent down from Heaven as punishment...banished to earth until he can learn to love man equally to the Creator.  Yeah, the Bible kinda has it's own interpretation of Lucifer, one that's a lot less interesting in my opinion....and J.R.R. Tolkien (of the Lord of the Rings fame) probably created the best origin mythology of any religion in his novel "The Silmarillion", even if it was only a fictional allegory of various religions.  In it, he wrote that Middle Earth and all of creation was willed into being by Illuvatar and his Maia (God and angels) through a heavenly song that's been going on since the dawn of time.  However, Melkor (his version of Satan) had a different melody in mind than the one the angels sung, and thus interjected his own composition into the choir.  This chaotic disruption of the symphony resulted in the creation of the earth, and of all of it's children.  So basically, Satan was OUR creator in Tolkien's universe.  Which is very much in line with Gnostic Christianity, which posits that we were created not by Source, but by the Demiurge, a crazy, God-gone-mad that made us in his image (which would explain a lot about us), and who refuses to acknowledge that he is not the true Source of all Life in the Universe (even though He came from Source just as everything ULTIMATELY did).  He's the God of the Old Testament, the God of Wrath, Jehovah, Odin, Ra, Zeus, etc ........and those religions that twist and distort the message of love and unity serve both Yaldabaoth and his archons (demons), who attempt to control us through fear, subjugation, and separation.

But let's say that Satan isn't merely an idea, or a negative energy that influences worldly events or keeps us in a perpetual state of suffering.  Let's claim he's an actual entity in the universe, a physical being who has a personality and an agenda.  Well, what do we know of him?  From fiction, he seems scary, ruthless, angry, hate-filled, and incredibly one-dimensional.  It's embarrassing to think that South Park is almost the only work of fiction that has given the devil layers of personality.  That big red homosexual bitch just wants to be loved, ya'll!  But seriously, can you think of another work of fiction where Satan is even remotely intriguing?  I'm actually asking, if you know of something, please inform me...cause from most accounts, that poor guy is given a grave disservice in almost everything I've ever seen or read, except maybe Al Pacino's interpretation of him in the Devil's Advocate.  There he at least had some PERSONALITY, and his anger seemed somewhat justified. 

But If he actually exists, than you KNOW that he's gotta be incredibly interesting!  He's a hedonist, sure, a glutton for earthly pleasures and fleeting physical sensations, but C'MON!  That's absolutely understandable, and I for one AGREE with that mentality!  That's why we're alive, isn't it?  To enjoy life?   To embrace the things of this world that make us feel good, to indulge in all of the joys and wonders of this world, be it sex, chocolate, sugar, fat, alcohol, drugs, rock and roll, worldly possessions, whatever.  Whatever floats your boat, it's all good because in the end it all came from God...so enjoy it!  That's exactly what he does, and he's vilified for it...and when we enjoy the same things, we're labeled as sinners; depraved, unholy, and vile.  I don't get it.  If you wanna reject the things of this world and be a monk on some mountain top somewhere, then more power to you....but I honestly don't think that's what life's about.  Now, I'm not saying you'll find MEANING in the aforementioned pleasures, but they're a part of this world, and I truly think we should enjoy every gift God has given us so long as it doesn't hurt anyone else (including animals, as I believe they are sentient).

You can choose to look at this world as a battle for your eternal soul, and every choice as a test for whether you choose light or darkness, or you can change your mind about all of it and stop labeling things.  There is no good or evil!  There is only power, and those too weak to seek it.  Oh no, that was a Voldemort quote sneaking in there. 

Seriously though, It's all just experiences, and it is about power in that you have the power to change your perception of things, to view the world however you'd like.  And today, I choose to look at Lucifer not as a demonic being hell-bent on sending my soul to....hell.....but rather as an angel who enjoys the piss outta life, and is grossly, and shamefully, misunderstood.






"This feeling....inside me, finally found my love...I've finally broke free.  No longer....torn in two.  I'd take my own life before losing you."




Cognitive Responsibility - July 3, 2010
I was waxing philosophical with someone the other day, as I often do.  We talked about an idea of his that I had a hard time reconciling with my own beliefs.  This person seemed to think that negative situations wouldn't arise unless your consciousness allowed them to enter your reality somehow.  Your thoughts don't necessarily create reality as much as they attract like energies, which in turn manifest your earthly experiences.  So your thinking literally affects your circumstance.  When asked by a member of the spiritual circle that he attends what an enlightened person would do in a situation where they were faced with the choice of either killing or being killed, he posited that a true master would never be placed into that situation in the first place.  His consciousness would neither create the situation, nor allow it to somehow enter his life.  Now, I wholly believe THAT, but as I've never met a master nor do I know anyone who has, I'm left with trying to understand why horrible things happen to good people everyday. 

He claimed that all of these people, no matter who they are, thought something or acted in some way as to attract that negative energy into their lives.  So in effect, everyone is in some way responsible for their plight, no matter how big or small it is.  The reason I have a hard time buying this is numerous; what of babies?  What of children who haven't had the time to develop mind-sets or preconceptions?  How about those that DON'T live in their head, like much of "civilized society", and instead struggle daily to simply feed themselves and, ya know, SURVIVE?  How can they be accountable for the atrocities that befall them?  How are they to blame for their lot in life?  Truly, most of the people in this world that are suffer the greatest do so, not because of any misguided belief system or frame of mind, but because of geography.  They just happened to be born in a savage country, or to an abusive, negligent family, or in an area devoid of resources, education, health-care, etc.  And so location, in my mind, is a huge factor in determining who you are and how you think, and it's really kinda shitty to place culpability on someone for, say, STARVING to death because of the way they think. I forgot to make this rebuttal in our conversation, however, but I'm guessing he believes that karmic debt from past lives has a role to play in this, (to which I call horse apples, but let's move on).

Now I think that those of us who don't struggle with finding food and shelter, who have the luxury of creature comforts and economic prosperity, are certainly responsible for our perception of life, inasmuch as we allow our thoughts to affect how we see things.  Bad things will happen to us, such is life, but it's how we perceive and ultimately react to these experiences that either brings us peace or suffering.  Who knows if a thought you entertained weeks ago will create a particular situation to arise in your life tomorrow?  The only thing I AM certain of is when that situation DOES arrive, you will either enjoy it, be passive to it, or dislike it depending on your perspective.  That seems pretty obvious to me, but the obvious has a way of being ignored by many of us.

In any event, I think it would behoove everyone to think about what they're thinking and change the thoughts that somehow lessen an experience or make it unenjoyable, because by doing so...you're manipulating the energy of the moment, and making something that wasn't inherently good or bad into a negative simply by perceiving it as such.











Lost  in Thought - June 1, 2010
It physically pains me that I haven't updated this page in several months, so rather than addressing my laziness and sheer lack of insight for that outrageous period of time, I'll instead delve right into my topic.  The series finale of Lost has left an indelible impression on me.  It's really fostered a great deal of intelligent discourse and sparked a maelstrom of controversy throughout the internets.  It seems that, while undeniably divisive, the vast majority of those that hate the finale do so because they can't come to terms with it on an intellectual level.  The staggering amount of questions left unanswered is simply too much for them to accept.  And they're right to hold this perspective, on the level that they choose to appreciate the show from.  Two of my close friends are both ardent atheists, and so the fact that finale was overtly spiritual didn't sit well with them at all.  But the reason I'm choosing to talk about Lost (again) outside of my Reviews With Music page is because I feel that the last episode, in many ways, mirrors the true nature of existence.  And it's that belief that I feel I should expound upon here, where I wax philosophical to music for.... all 2 of you.  Also, don't worry.... there won't be any spoilers below.

I'm not an apologist....I certainly admit that the sheer number of loose ends left untied in the finale left me enormously frustrated.  If I think about them.  If I choose to dwell on the mythology minutiae of the show, than I would undoubtedly talk myself into hating the finale, and indeed, the series itself.  But I cannot do that....because I truly feel that the show was never really about having things make sense.  There's not a writer on earth who's clever enough to ultimately resolve the twists and turns into a satisfying conclusion for those of us demanding answers.........it's just too much work, and anything they DID come up with would feel convoluted and false.  They wrote themselves into a corner on a number of occasions, and rather than attempting to explain their way out of the mess....they shifted their focus onto to the characters and, consequently, onto the heart of the series.  And they ended it with a sequence that, for my money, was the most moving farewell in the history of television. 

You see, that's why I loved the show.  That's why it was worth it, because in the end Lost stimulated me on an intellectual level but it fulfilled me on a spiritual one.  Which is probably a lot like life.  You'll NEVER be able to understand the universe, or the Mind of God, or whatever you want to call it.  There's simply too much information, too many unseen patterns, to many ineffable mysteries for there to be a concrete Theory of Everything, an answer that will put everything into perspective and give our lives meaning, to somehow have our lives make SENSE!  So if we approach Life from that mentality, we are sure to be perpetually disappointed......always seeking answers, always searching for a meaning and truth that will somehow elude us.  The answers will constantly seem to be just outside of our grasp, and when we think we've discovered them...new questions take their place, making the entire endeavor repeat indefinitely.  

But while you see we'll never GET it, that doesn't mean we shouldn't ENJOY it.  Life is filled with meaning and beauty, the relationships we have with our friends and family, the passion that we devote into FINDING the answers, the investment we have in our own personal edification and the truth that we create and accept as our reality.  It's the NOT knowing that allows us the freedom to come to our own conclusions, to find our own answers through our experiences and our faith. 

And after all is said and done, Lost profoundly affected me...it helped me remember moments of my life that were so filled with emotion and feeling that I couldn't possibly doubt the significance of the six year journey I had just taken.  No, I didn't understand a great deal of it, and maybe some of the more pressing questions will always linger in the back of my head...but honestly, it doesn't really matter....because the show had the power to stir my soul.  And perhaps that's the only reason we're alive.  So that after we've died, all of our unanswered questions will take a back seat to appreciating what really matters....all the love and ~feeling~ that we experienced while we were still alive.





Indoctrination - February 28, 2010
I know some of you probably thought I was done with this webpage, as my last update was fairly definitive...and brought a sense of closure to my life.  Well guess what?  My life goes on, and I have more to say....so why take down this site when it affords me the luxury of rambling nonsensically in a documented fashion?

And I apologize for not updating in two months, but my work life has been hectic and while that's no excuse, it's all I got.  I spent last week in south Florida at corporate headquarters for training.   Every assistant manager is forced to attend these week long excursions into the very heart of banality, and I was force-fed pearls of wisdom that any infant could recite verbatim. 

It truly did feel like I was slipping into retardation, hearing business slogans and rhetoric espoused without even a hint of self-awareness.  Did these people really believe this shit?  Were they that deluded that the company's motto has become the very core of their own personal belief system?  And if so, how did that happen?  What did they acquiesce of their own SELF to allow this corporate mentality to become them?  What did they compromise?  What have they lost, and what, if anything...have they gained?

I was talking with my father about this, and our discussion became something quite interesting.  I theorized that every corporation is fueled by something unseen, some FORCE.  My father said it was the "bottom line" of that company, but I took the more philosophical/supernatural interpretation and claimed that maybe it was an entity, a "God" of the corporation.  And every associate, every worker and manager of any business SERVES that God in some way. 

So in a way the entire corporate structure, and hence western society writ large, is based on Paganism.  We've abandoned the One True God and set up our various Idols which we honor and serve with a blatant disregard for our inherent blasphemy.   We work daily to appease our Gods by slaving away, toiling untold hours in misery simply to make money and fuel our God's insatiable appetite for power.  And as there are thousands of corporations all vying for more money and control, so too are these Gods fighting against one another for dominion over us all.  The energy created by this struggle is perpetuated by the millions of peons who waste their lives in jobs they hate, working to meet a quota or raise the price of their company's stock, TO WHAT END?  They are unwitting dupes of a relentless force hellbent on destroying their creative essence and making them subservient for the rest of their lives.

That's right, I'll go Michael Moore on everyone here for a second.  Corporations are Evil.  They are the tangible, concrete manifestation of the Demiurge and his Archons in our world.  They are the presence that fosters greed, that fuels division, that instills fear and which keeps us enslaved.  We are afraid of our lives without structure, without the corporate mentality of "working for a living".  Of struggling to make ends meet.  We assume that our daily grind is the only way to go about our lives, and thus we relinquish our God-given power.....power to create, to subsist off of the land, to work with one another in harmony instead of competition, to not just making a living, but make a life. 

The Gods that are in control of this world have warped our perceptions; they've twisted and distorted our idea of our basic nature, and so we've forgotten both who we are and how to live.  So I say let's embrace the message of Fight Club and Project Mayhem.  Let's destroy our cherished institutions, our delicate infrastructure, and our tenuous sense of control....and start over.  Let's acknowledge the truth of who we are and overthrow the Powers that Be, because if we don't do it soon....they'll erase the very notion that we're capable of defeating them!  That we truly have the power to choose another way of life.


The Gift - Christmas Eve; December 24th, 2009
My life has been…difficult.  My family and friends are wonderful, and I really couldn’t ask for better parents.  However, my quality of life has been drastically reduced by a disability that affected me when I was ten years old, and has persevered until this day…getting worse as the years progress.  It’s a neurological condition that affects the vocal chords, making them close when they should open.  This, in turn, makes it extremely difficult to talk at times….straining my speech and basically making me feel as though I’m being strangled constantly.  Stress aggravates this condition, being relaxed mitigates it, and there’s only one temporary remedy for it…which, unfortunately…is alcohol.  I say this is unfortunate because not only can I not be drunk all the time, I shouldn’t be drunk ANY of the time, as ontop of everything….I’m an alcoholic. 

Thankfully my condition isn’t as severe as most of the people afflicted with it, but still…..this particular disability is far more common in elderly women of a certain age so how I winded up with it I’ll never know.  Only around 20 thousand people suffer from this condition in America, so there have been few studies conducted on the problem, and little funding for trying to find a cure as it’s rarity means this disability won’t bring in much money if they ever DO find a means of healing those affected by it.  Right now there’s only a treatment for the symptoms, and not the cause of the problem.  Botox injections (directly into the vocal chords) help to dispel the shaking/tremors….and while finding the right dosage is INCREDIBLY tricky, it’s a relatively effective quick fix for spastic dysphonnia.  Of course, there’s a period of whispered/breathy talking after many botox injections that may last as long as a few months.  And when you do “get your voice back”, you may only have it at full strength, without any signs of the dysphonnia, for a few weeks…..but essentially this means that you’re losing your voice for a month or more in order to get it back for only a few weeks.  Some people, with severe symptoms, don’t mind this trade….as it gives them back something invaluable for at least a little while.  Since I have a mild case of it, I don’t particularly enjoy the compromise, and would rather not get the botox injections if I could just drink a few beers every time I had to be social and talkative.  Of course, I can’t be drinking or buzzed at work, soo…..I do get the botox injections every few months.  Some have greatly helped, others have created more problems than they’ve solved, and still others have been almost negligible in terms of results.

At any rate, I am not here to whine about my situation….fate, it seems, has destined me to somehow find the strength to deal with this problem.  And most days I’m fairly successful in doing so, and when I’m not…well, there’s always beer.  But still, it’s almost always affecting my life on some level….and so I yearn, more than anything, to be healed.
 
Enter my “destiny.”  As many of you know, I have envisioned my own personal healing within Stonehenge, for some reason, since I was around 15 years old.  I had daydreams and fantasies about this fulfillment every day since then, and they were as inexplicable as they were empowering.  I didn’t just think about this healing, I felt it…through every fiber of my being.  It was almost overwhelming, the feeling of energy and ecstasy that would seem to shoot it’s way through my nervous system every time I thought about entering into the center of Stonehenge and, somehow, using it’s power to heal me.

I went to Stonehenge for my first time back in 1999, but as I was on tour and they weren't allowed in the center at that time, I sat quietly on the bench looking inside with a longing I have never felt before, and haven't felt since.  I left that journey with an incredible idea, probably the best idea I've ever had...and I realize now it was given to me by the Stones.  They inspired me to create a mythology that I truly believe will transform my life very soon.  But still, I wanted to be healed. I HAD to know what would happen if I went inside, even if my expectations were devastated and I remained just as miserable as I had been since I was 16.  So, after years of putting it off (even though I still thought about it every day), I resigned to save up some money and just stay at a few hostels around Britain, and finally take a guided tour within the center of Stonehenge, which they were now offering at a fair price.  
 
So around three years ago, I finally did go into Stonehenge..and while nothing could live up to my ridiculous expectations.... it was easily the most significant event in my life. I received a very personal message….maybe from myself, from God, or perhaps from the spirit of the Stones themselves, and I talked about this briefly on an update of Mindless Blather shortly after going there.  Mindless Blather was what Sound of Thought was before the domain change…and I still have that update saved somewhere on my computer, if any of you care to re/reread it…just ask.
 
In any event, I DO feel as though a healing took place within that stone circle….but not for my voice, and certainly not in the way I had imagined.  There’s good and bad in this, and while Stonehenge gave me an extraordinary concept the first time I went there, the last time around it gave me something far more personal and rewarding, even if it didn’t last.  And while the idea is still something that’s waiting for me to work and have fun with it, the other gift has seemingly left my life for the time being.

Which brings me to the point.  I feel as though my life, with all the suffering, all the pain, all the loneliness and despair…..serves a wonderful, glorious purpose that I’m only vaguely aware of while I’m alive.  You see, I believe that God/me…whatever, will give myself a Gift immediately after I die.  And this gift will be the single most powerful, beautiful, and emotional experience of my existence.  In fact, it’s why I’m here.  I chose to live this life in this condition, with all my problems and all my hurt...so that I can experience a moment so pure, so transcendent, and so awe-inspiring that it will rock the very foundations of my being.  My healing.  The second when I'm aware that I am healed, fully...completely, whole.

My family and friends, everyone who has ever touched my life somehow, everyone who ever MATTERED.  Family members who have passed, friends who I've forgotten, and loves who I have lost. All will be waiting on either side of me as my spirit floats slowly into the Giant's Dance.   They'll welcome my presence eagerly, smiling with quiet admiration and a knowing expectancy. 

And as I go by them, one after another, almost in ascending order of importance, I'll arrive in the exact center of the great stones, and a beam of light will descend from the heavens and encompass my spirit and the entire circle as I merge with ecstasy, rejoicing in the knowledge of both my healing, and of my reunion with the Infinite.   There we will all be blessed, bathed in God's healing light.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night. 






The Power of Thought - December 3rd, 2009
I wrote about this once, a long time ago.  Back when I had an intellect and ability that time seems to have destroyed.  Or at the very least hidden somewhere in the depths of my soul.  I believe it was a page on Winds of Change entitled Astral Knights.  Or perhaps it was the Astral Plane page.  Yah, back then…as a teenager…I was terribly interested in astral projection for some reason.  My screen-name back then may have even been AstralPhat, or something decidedly ridiculous like that.

At any rate, I had this one page where I discussed various topics that intrigued me in some manner.  One of these discussions was about the power of our thoughts.  I’m fairly certain that, for all my petty philosophical ruminations, I missed the point back then.  Chalk that up to being a kid, but at least I was on the right track.  Yes, your thoughts have power, but they can’t create your reality the way I believed back in the day.    And yet, they DO have the ability to shift your perspective, to change ones consciousness, and thus affect the material plane in ways that are both profound and subtle.  The affect that your thoughts have on your experience is truly astounding, and yet we’re seldom aware of this correlation.  Whether by design or default, we encumber ourselves with distractions, so much so that we constantly overlook the obvious; that our thoughts have a direct impact on our experience of ourselves and of the world that we live in.

And really, who knows how far-reaching the implications are for the way that we think?  Perhaps one person’s day-dreaming caused a butterfly effect of thoughts which eventually lead to the creation of the microchip.  What if a monk, meditating on a mountain somewhere in Tibet, caused a tidal wave of positive energy with his thinking, envigorating the suffering masses in ways we can't understand?  Maybe J.K. Rowling, who envisioned a world so full of magic and wonder, didn’t just write about a fictional universe, but CREATED a world through her stories.  Even barring that possibility, her particular brand of fiction will live on throughout perpetuity long after we're gone, and so her inventing Harry Potter and his universe has a far greater lasting impact on history than most people.  And maybe, a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away someone fantasized about the creation of a our earth, with all its inhabitants, and this individuals’ thoughts were so powerful, so refined, and so detailed that it took him six days to design the entirety of our world in all its glorious splendor. 

You see where I’m going?  Maybe the only difference between humanity and Supreme Beings or Gods is that WE ARE UNAWARE OF OUR POTENTIAL.  Maybe we too have the ability to create and destroy on an infinite scale, just like the Gods, demons, and angels of our mythology.  Perhaps there are thoughts that we could think that would heal all of our pain and weakness INSTANTLY.  It’s possible that there’s a single thought which is capable of destroying the entire world.  Who's to say?  We can imagine so much.  We are capable of such incredible fantasies.  Our fiction is living proof of our ability for greatness.  Our art, our architecture, and our music reflect the awe-inspiring magnificence of the human spirit.  So why then do we ignore how transforming and powerful our consciousness is, if …when focused, and used constructively…it can create the most beautiful things on earth?  It comes down to three things, all of which point to the first.  Fear, laziness, and boredom.  We are bored because we are constantly distracted.  Give us too many options and we choose nothing.  Give us too much power, and we decide to forget we have any so that we can enjoy being helpless again.  We are lazy because our infinite distractions and choices overwhelm us, so much that we’re exhausted with all the decisions that we never make.  We stick to boring routine then, because it’s safe and comfortable.  Which brings me to the main reason for our seeming insignificance; fear.  But more on that later. 

I believe whole heartedly in our unique ability to create fantastical worlds beyond imagination by merely dreaming them up.  I’m not entirely sure of how LITERAL I mean this, except to say who knows what we’re truly capable of if we relinquish our fears and doubts, and actively make a concerted effort to create by thinking things into existence. 

Picture an older you standing behind you with a gun and pulling the trigger with the barrel of his pistol behind your head, killing you instantly.  Why the hell did you just think that?  Or, should I say, what compelled me to HAVE you think that?  Simply this.  You’ve never thought that particular thought before.  And, on some level, it intrigued you.  Admit it.  Not the horribleness of it, but rather the craziness of it.  It was a new, strange thought….and you entertained my request simply because it was something you’ve never thought of before.

Now, go a step further.  See the world with new eyes.  Put on your favorite song.  Take a walk outside with your headphones.  Let in the beauty of nature, take in the energy of this world, and see things anew.  Allow the music to reflect what’s going on in the world.  Everything in accordance with the music, as if life is but a show…and the music you’re listening to is the soundtrack.  Like there’s a perfectly harmonious dance being carefully choreographed by some unseen intelligence that is playing with It’s creation.  Don’t just envision it, don’t just notice it, FEEL it.  Let it wash over you, like a cool breeze on a warm summer’s day.  Be still, and know that your observation is at once a reflection and a creation of your present, exhilarating experience.

Your thoughts have an energy to them.  If you couple them with feeling, whether deliberately or unconsciously, you will increase the vibration of that thought and hasten it's manifestation in your experience.  And I'm not just saying that if you want a Porsche and you think about it and convince yourself that you're already the owner of a Porsche, that you'll somehow create a car outta thin air.  I'm not alluding to the pseudo-spiritual pap in outrageously popular book, "The Secret".  No, what I'm saying is that your experience of a being in or around a Porsche will increase tenfold should you think and feel it's presence into your life.  On SOME LEVEL you will make it so that you will be driving a Porsche sometime soon, whether by working your ass off to buy one, renting one from a company, borrowing one from a friend, etc.  If your mind is set on a particular desire, and you're PASSIONATE about attaining it, there's nothing that can stop you.

I often find myself feeling helpless, powerless…and at the whim of pomp and circumstance.  And too seldom do I notice that my weakness stems from negative patterns of thinking which have ingrained themselves into my subconscious.  I can literally envision ANYTHING I want.  I have an amazingly complex organic quantum computer in my HEAD that doesn’t just analyze and process information, but which can create it whenever I wish, at any level of detail and intricacy that I am willing to focus my attention on.  Truly, this power is beyond my wildest dreams, and yet I almost never take advantage of its enormous potential.  It’s like having a decked out Macbook Pro, only to simply use it for playing Solitaire or occasionally writing something in wordpad.  What a waste of resources!!  What a shameless, unapologetic display of willful ignorance and stubborn petulance.  It’s as if God gave us the most amazing Christmas gift in EXISTENCE, and yet we never even open the box because we’re too busy playing with the frivolous knick-knacks we got in our stocking.

I think it’s a bit like that Michael Crichton novel “Sphere”, which was a much more intelligent metaphor than the film adaptation let on.  In it, marine-biologists discovered a spaceship with a huge sphere under the ocean.  This sphere created their fears and manifested untold dangers in the depths of the sea as they researched it’s mysterious origins and designs in their underwater lab.  In actuality, the sphere was an extraterrestrial mechanism from the future which would create a persons thoughts/fears/and desires….and since human beings are prone to suffering, these scientists inadvertently brought upon themselves a whole slew of unfortunate circumstances, as opposed to creating amazing events and manifesting their innermost desires.  Recognizing that they were too ignorant to harness the power of the Sphere for their own good, they instead chose to forget about the power they had been instilled with….so that they would no longer be ABLE to manifest their fears and thus spiral down towards self-destruction.  Of course, they could have used that potential to create amazing, miraculous, and beautiful things….but they still chose to enter a state of amnesia because they simply lacked self-control over this unlimited power.

To me, this speaks volumes about the power of the Mind, of how we have all chosen to forget who we are and what we can do for one reason or another.  Perhaps it was a punishment due to our fall from the Garden of Eden.  Maybe we WANTED to forget our power, because remembering it through our own experience is so much FUN.   In any event, I know in my heart that we can do incredible things by using our thoughts, by applying them both practically and fantastically, in every manner of being that we can comprehend, and even ways that we can’t.  We only use 10% of our brain power.  Where does the other 90% go to?  Is it there, waiting to be accessed, hoping for us to awaken to its function and apply it in our lives for self-improvement and the betterment of all mankind?  I think it is, and I think the only way for us to open that door into infinite possibility is by choosing to.  But we must start by WAKING UP.  By lifting the fog of fear which is keeping us in a perpetual state of slumber.  And the only way to remove fear is to face it, to acknowledge its presence and stand strong, remembering YOUR innate power so as to dispel the strength and authority that your fear has over your life.

Regardless of whether or not we’re the victors over our fears, we must try.  We must fight and persevere, until the battle becomes a lark, until the struggle becomes an effortless triumph, until we can rest comfortably in the knowledge of our divinity and the vastness of our power. 

Because truly, if we could do anything we wanted, have anything, create anything, experience our greatest dreams, and dictate our own destinies through Thought alone …then why in the name of God would our life’s effort be focused on anything else?

I've played the song "Lost Get Found" by Christian artist Britt Nicole here simply because, once we do awaken to our own power and "inherit the kingdom" as children of God, we...the lost, sleep-walking sheeple that we are will finally be found.






Happy Thanksgiving - November 26th, 2009
For this Thanksgiving, I'm going to express my gratitude to the Universe for music.   I truly feel that great music can be the most meaningful, poetic, and beautiful power in our world.  It has the ability to transform your consciousness, to elevate your thoughts and your experience of yourself, if only briefly, with its energy.  Name another thing in life that can do this.  I can only think of two things, meditation and love.  And meditation, well....you have to have time and patience for that, neither of which I possess, and love is impermanent and transitory.  Yes I'm jaded, but that's neither here nor there.  This is a valid point, besides the love of a parent for their child....most love is, at best....unreliable.

But music...well, that will always be there for you.  Music will be your constant companion throughout your life's journey, mirroring your experiences, enriching them, and even changing your perspective if you let it.  So thank you God / Source / Spirit for music, for how it allows me to acquaint myself with an energy and an innocence that I felt I lost a long time ago.  For getting me in touch with a creativity and a wealth of possibility that I couldn't otherwise reach.  Music is the fire that keeps me going and the joy that makes life worth living.

So Life, thank you so SO much for being filled with passion, truth, and purpose...if only in the music that inspires me.



Pay Attention  - November 17th, 2009
I think spirit is constantly talking to us, whether we're aware of It or not.  It guides us through sights, sounds, words, thoughts, and the experiences that surround us.  But on most occasions, we're too preoccupied with our own inner machinations to realize the beauty and the significance of the moment.  There are hints scattered throughout our existence, coincidences and meaning embedded in our lives that often go unnoticed for one reason or another.  But if we were only to awaken to the truth that spirit and, indeed, God is attempting to make us aware of It's presence, than our lives would truly be blessed with this awareness. 

A newfound set of purpose and appreciation would reveal itself to us, and we would live fully in the moment....utterly observant and unbiased, as we would be too busy taking everything in and searching for meaning, rather than putting up walls and casting judgment on the people, places, and things that we see. 

In the realm of the spirit, we are constantly being given gifts......and these gifts range from subtle to obvious, but they are almost always profound and will significantly change your perspective should you comprehend their relevance.  But first, we have to reciprocate these gifts....we have to pay for the gifts of the spirit ~with our attention~.  That is the only exchange which will truly serve us and enhance every moment of our lives.  If we were to forgo our thoughts, our constant analyzing and judging, our incessant fears and petty desires, we could finally be objective and see the world as it is.  Magical, meaningful, and filled with messages that seek only to guide us to self-actualization and happiness. 

One of my favorite pictures is one that hangs in my house.  It's a small painting of a secluded, dark forest...with a simple message written above it.  It says, "When you happen upon a magic place....listen."  And while this statement resonates with me completely, I also think it's missing the point.  The world itself is a magic place.  Beauty and truth are right here, right now,  We simply must have the eyes, and the heart, to see it.

I've played the song "Welcome to England" by Tori Amos below because for months I heard this song on the radio station at work, never realizing it was my favorite artist of all time until I finally PAID ATTENTION!! 








I've Been Promoted - October 23rd, 2009
While there's never a good excuse for not updating what amounts to little more than a blog for weeks and weeks, I was promoted two weeks ago at I job I disdain with every fiber of my being to an assistant manager in the retail department I work in.  I jumped at the chance merely to use the 15k a year raise to A) get out of debt, 2) save up for my move up north, and D) possibly go back to school.  Well, little did I realize what I was getting myself into....

Management is not fun.  You may look at your managers and say they have it on easy street, that it's good to be the king, that you wish they were in their shoes, etc.  Some of the time that may be true, but it's certainly not the case in retail.  Managers have no free time.  They have to force themselves to leave their stores when it's time to go home, even though they know they should stay, because there is ALWAYS SOMETHING TO DO!!!  They are accountable for everything wrong in their department.  They have to delegate responsibility to people they both like and hate, and do so fairly, sternly, and without prejudice.  They have to slave away for 10 more hours than most people work, dealing with batshit crazy customers who have ridiculous expectations that oftentimes you simply cannot meet.  They must take the heat when the "big wigs" come into town, and have their respective departments looking PICTURE PERFECT, or face the consequences.  If one of their peons calls in sick or goes on vacation, they have to work their hours and not complain about it to anyone except, maybe, their fellow managers.  They have to take it up the ass, without lubrication, each and every work day, and sometimes even on their days off as THERE IS NO REST WHEN YOU ARE IN MANAGEMENT!  You always think about your department/store....you always think about whether or not things are going right, if your associates are greeting customers and making the place look nice, if they are cleaning and stocking instead of slacking off, etc.  And much much more.  So is all of this retardation, this migraine-inducing, blood-pressure-raising, going-to-kill-me-if-I-don't-quit frustration REALLY worth a mere 15k more a year?

Of course it is.

Seriously though, no, I'm outta here in...hmm, I've given myself 100 work days to put in for a transfer to ...well, the same place, only up north.  But maybe I'll just bite the bullet and leave my company altogether.  Afterall, I am adamant in NOT making this my career, no matter how golden they make those handcuffs....and I think that if vocational rehabilitation ever GETS BACK TO ME, I'll jump at the chance to use their services to get me into a job better suited to my talents and strengths rather than my specific weaknesses, which retail seems to hone in on rather precisely.  I just hope my place in line, waiting for vo-rehab to help me out, is coming up quick....cause I gotta tell you, I feel like I am slowly losing my sense of self, my joy, and LIFE, just by selling out like this.   And all this after only 9 days!!

:-\

Below you'll find I've played a short rendition of the song "Chances" by Five for Fighting, because...let's face it, chances are I'll stay with this job until it kills me, abandoning my dreams and potential through sheer lack of ambition, courage, and TIME.




As Above, So Below - September 29, 2009
I have been sitting on this update for a few months now.  Partly because of laziness, but mostly because there's a lot of depth to this particular idea, and I'd like to do it justice by exploring the concept fully.  However, time constraints demand that I focus most of my attention on working, helping my family, and napping (damn idiopathic hyper-insomnia!)...and so I will merely write what I've been thinking about so far and leave further clarity for a later update.

The axiom, "As above, so below", or some derivation thereof, has always resonated with me.  Honestly, I thought this was a passage in the Bible, but it turns out it was a quote from mythology, associated with a Hermes Trismegistus who may have been one of the great astrologers/alchemists of antiquity.  I'm not particularly concerned with where it originated, however, as its truth rings clear within my being and I see evidence of it in my life daily.

But what does it mean, exactly?  As the planets/stars align in the skies, so too do our inner chakras vibrate in tandem, creating certain situations and perspectives which lead to particular life experiences?  Is this what astrology purports?  I have no idea, it's probably something a lot more intricate and thus worthy of a dismissive link to its wikipedia entry.  Whatever the case, I personally have no use for it.  There may be a great deal of truth in this field of pseudo-scientific study, but to me there's more to be said of the maxim than merely applying it to astrological ruminations.

Here's what I think; the microcosm mirrors the macrocosm and vice versa.  God only becomes aware of us when we become aware of our presence within Him.  Furthermore, perhaps our BODIES constitute the universe for a vast magnitude of sentient beings that we only recognize as cells/atoms/ or other imperceptible systems which comprise us.  Maybe we must become aware that our bodies are teeming with intelligent life, fully self-aware and themselves UNAWARE of their presence within us.  And once we're aware of them, maybe then, and only then, can they become cognizant of us. 

Taking this a step further, maybe what we deem God is an incomprehensible being of such vastness that we can't ever physically prove His existence because the universe and everything in it is merely confined within His body.  And worse, as we are unaware of the sentient civilizations within us, so too is He unaware of OUR existence within HIM!

But so what?  What if God became aware of us?  What if we became conscious of life within our bodies?  I don't think any of this would make the slightest difference, whether we had empirical evidence of its accuracy or just a spiritual hunch, unless we accept that the many within us are a PART of us, inseparable from us, and make us who we are.  And we must take this wisdom and apply it to our lives, realizing that our society, that human beings and all life in the universe is united, one within the Body of God.  Since we are all One, we have but to awaken to this truth and we will act accordingly....ensuring peace, joy, and freedom for every living being because it is IN OUR BEST INTEREST TO!

Once we come into the awareness of who we are, so too will God awaken to the truth of His being, that he . .though One. . .is actually many.  That he is divided and host to innumerable beings that together define and promote his existence.

And when both Heaven and earth sing together in glorious harmony, when God is aware of man, man is aware of God, and together we are aware of our unity, then ....well, I have no idea.  Something good!  Obviously I don't know what comes next, but it's GOT to be something pretty amazing, right?  We should aspire to such lofty aspirations, regardless of their spiritual rewards, simply because it behooves us to do us, undoubtedly making our lives so much better/easier if we only worked together in solidarity.  amirite?





On Working Out -  September 10, 2009
There are only two types of people who work out at the gym.  Those that should, and those that shouldn't.  However, the categories are far more detailed than just that, and I'll expand upon my theory now.  Those that should work out are your average everyday guy or gal who just want to feel good and get in shape.  Some are thin and gangly, others slightly overweight, some may be older and hoping to rejuvenate their vitality, and others disabled who need to focus on rebuilding muscle tissue, and then of course there's all of those meat-heads who earned their KILLER BODIES through rigorous workouts and by paying attention to their diet.  Most people should exercise, I won't dispute that...but often, at the gym, you find people who should, under no circumstance, be paying gym fees in the first place.  And the gym has an over-abundance of THESE people, which is something I truly don't understand.

The people that shouldn't work out at the gym are numerous indeed, and consist of your obese, elderly, ugly, AND your hpoa's who have no business being seen at a gym.  Allow me to elaborate. 

The fatties, they baffle me.  Most obese people can run on a treadmill until they pass out; they're not gonna lose any weight, or at least ...not much, and when they do, they'll invariably gain it right back a few weeks later.  I truly believe genetics plays an important role in determining your metabolism, and unfortunately...those people who are grossly overweight shouldn't waste their time and money on going to the gym when they could be enjoying their lives sitting at home watching TV and eating donuts.  Maybe you think I'm being a patronizing asshole, but I'm being serious.  No one ENJOYS exercising, (although most of us enjoy the clarity of mind and the rush of endorphins we feel afterwards)...but I've never once heard a fat person tell me they're glad they worked out, or happy to have forced themselves to kick their ass for meager results.  And I know several that I talk to at my gym too.  Sure, they're proud of themselves... the psychological boost it gives to their ego is certainly gratifying, but that's also probably mitigated by the fact that everyone is disgusted by seeing their sweaty, fat ass work it on the Elliptical.  Their obvious embarrassment should curtail any motivation or incentive for reward.  So, why should they suffer for a result they'll NEVER SEE??  Get outta here, go. . .enjoy your lives, and forget about unattainable goals. 

Speaking of, this applies to all 50+ year olds I see sweating balls trying to recapture their youth.  I'm talking about the ladies who you could tell were pretty hot 30 years ago but are now sagging wrinkled shells of what they once were.  These women really slave away, desperately attempting to feel young again or look sexy, but all they end up doing is making us young guys laugh and feel sorry for 'em after they break their ankle or hip-bone by trying to pull off maneuvers they never even attempted back when they were CAPABLE of pulling them off.  These women are no doubt great in bed, if you close your eyes really tight and shrink wrap your dick with cooking oil, but I really don't see why they're spending time at the gym when they could be back at home watching Murder She Wrote and knitting.  Give it up grams, your hey-day was about four decades ago.

Then there's your uglies, ugos, ug ugs, . . .ya know, UNATTRACTIVE people.  I'm not even talking about plain or ordinary men and women, that's the majority of people in the world and they're included in my first category.  I'm talking about the butt-ugly pieces of gutter filth that somehow have deluded themselves into believing that, if they only work out their body, their face will change appearance too.  Well, I hate to break it to you folks, but no amount of weight-lifting or cardio fitness will ever make an ugly person attractive.  Only cosmetic surgery and/or alcohol will do that.  Invest your time in your education, create or market something unique and revolutionary, make billions, and attract your desired mates with THAT.  Sorry ya'll, but that's basically the only road you've got cut out for ya.  That or suicide.

And finally there's your hpoa's, or hot pieces of ass.  These are the women who were born slim and beautiful.  Who have perfect bodies, exquisite legs, perky breasts, and gorgeous faces.  They're self-obsessed snobs, no doubt, but they're also ridiculous because they work for something that comes naturally to them.  Hey, if I inherited a wealthy estate, you can bet your ass I wouldn't be working a grueling 9-5 job to pay for rent.  So why do hpoa's try so hard to achieve something THEY ALREADY HAVE??  Maybe it's all ego, and they just like to flaunt their bodies whilst jazzercizing, or stretching, or working their abs, or glutes, or WHATEVER....as no matter what exercise they perform it's all incredibly flattering for them.  So yah, either it's all about showing off or these girls really have NO IDEA that they could sit at home all day, read their Readers Digest, watch their soaps, and eat their Melba Toast and still retain their perfect proportions because they were simply BUILT that way!  But please, don't anyone tell them about this if they don't already know...they're basically why I even GO!




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