About the Antichrist... - July 23, 2008

What can I say?  The antichrist intrigues me.  Whether he's a guy or a girl, one things certain.  I would like to get to know them.  I bet you anything they're incredibly likable.  Not only that, but to do what they have to do, they'd almost certainly be intelligent, powerful, and interesting.  And hell, if he's not the funniest, most sarcastic person in the world, I would be very surprised.  Seriously, what more could you ask for in a friend?  Sometimes I have delusions of grandeur and I contemplate the possibility of myself being the antichrist, but then I realize that I have too much compassion for people...and I also have no powers whatsoever.  Moreover, I lack the resources, and . . let's face it. . .the intellect to be someone that significant.   But I don't really give a (what?) because that's too much damn responsibility....(whatever he/she comes to earth for, it probably involves a lot of effort).  Also, I wouldn't doubt for a second that the antichrist is "in" on it with the Christ, and that they're best of friends. Remember how we were going to write a script and/or book about this woman, well...DO YOU!?!? My dad believes that Adolph Hitler was A antichrist, not THE...which leads me to the question, how many of these guys are there?  Obviously there's Voldemort, Vader, Caleb, and your mother ....but who in this dimension, in the now time....could be the infamous villain that's so very instrumental in the last days?  Don't you DARE say George W. Bush either, that man is pure evil....a petulant, ignorant psychopath that's less ensouled than your garden-variety inanimate object.  Believe me when I say that when I come back from MoPH for a visit, one of the first things I do will be to mess with that man's day in the bad way.   At any rate, is there anyone you know who's affable, genuinely interesting, and possesses an ungodly amount of influence and control?  And do you suspect that person to be the Antichrist?  If not, would you go ahead and pray with me for this person's arrival?  We need to jump-start this amrageddon scenario already, living in the pre-show is frustrating beyond measure.  It's like foreplay without any release, I want to get off already!

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My Manager is a Sadist - July 18, 2008

I've become aware of a sad fact - that my manager is an ass.  It's bad enough that I can't hear a word he says...  He's either deaf, or he has the worst lisp known to man, cause his voice sounds like someone who has a perpetual allergic reaction and a touch of down-syndrome.  And what's worse is that he'll start mumbling and talking really low while giving me instructions on shit he wants done.  Ohhh, okay, I'll get right on that buddy.  And by "get right on that", I mean I'll nod and smile at your ass until you let me get back to what I was previously doing because I CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOU! At any rate, sometimes he's audible....as in the other day when he was practically BOASTING to everyone in our department about how his THIRTEEN YEAR OLD DAUGHTER got the belt the other day.  Are you kidding me?  Your teenage daughter has been "asking" for it and you finally "gave" it to her?  Is that some sort of sexual innuendo you sick fuck?  Besides, who hits their daughter with a belt at that age anyway?  How the hell do you get her to LET you?  If my father came after me with a belt and I was a old enough to get my ass out of there, as in out-run him, I most certainly would.  There aint no way I'm letting someone beat me with a belt for having an attitude.......  Hell, I'm ALWAYS an insolent prick with my mother, if she came after me with a belt you better believe I would take her down, as in trip her with my feet and then leave her desperately trying to get back up like a turtle on it's back.

Movie Marketing is a CROCK - July 11, 2008

I don't understand certain advertisements.  Take film trailers, for instance.  They air on commercials literally every few minutes during the week of their release.  If I know a movie is coming out that I want to see, I'm WELL AWARE Of when it's going to be released, thank you.  It doesn't take much to recall a date...you don't have to inundate me with the trailer for it's release over, and over, and over again.  What do these advertisers think?  That only once them film hits a certain level of saturation on the marketplace will it do worthwhile at the box office?  Lemme tell you something....no trailer has ever sold me on a movie I DIDN'T want to see, and many trailers failed to advertise the true merits of films I DID want to see and went to REGARDLESS of it's horrible advertising campaign.  It's not like I see a trailer for 256 times and think to myself "ehh, I have no real desire to see that" only to see it for the 257th time and then suddenly have a change of heart.  If I don't really want to see a movie, the only thing that will convince me to drag my ass to the theater (and by that I mean download it on bitorrent) is ecstatic reviews.  I have a weakness for articulate, passionate critiques..and if someone will take the time to praise a film with a well-worded, interesting, or otherwise entertaining review...I'll certainly check the film out to see what the fuss is about.  But barring that, there's little that will make me want to see a movie I don't really want to, save for boredom and it happens to be on HBO or Showtime at some unspecified time in the future. So stop showing clips of Hellboy 2 already.  We get it, it opens today.  And thanks to REVIEWS, I will be seeing it shortly.

Silent Murderers - July 8, 2008

I watched the Happening last night, and it wasn't that bad.  I mean, it was clearly the worst M. Night Shymalan film ever made, but I'd rather see an awful picture by him than an average film by most film-makers anyday.  I loved the concept, at least.  What if nature suddenly had a thirst ...for BLOOD?  If a plant or tree released chemicals to make me kill myself, I'd say BRING IT ON!!  We deserve it after raping the planet repeatedly and desecrating the environment for our own comforts.  Besides, having been triggered to kill ourselves, we wouldn't really be commiting SUICIDE, and thus we wouldn't offend the Lord and condemn ourselves to Hell.   The plants would be murdering us THROUGH us, since they're inherently lazy.  This would no doubt cause those remaining humans to burn or otherwise destroy every living plant on the face of the earth, which would of course rid us of that nasty O2 compound that's so ubiquitous.  This would kill everyone, no doubt, animals included.  So yah, win-win.  Vegetation of the world: HURRY UP AND EVOLVE!!!

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P to the U, a rap I done wrote - July 3, 2008

If I slap dat ass.... would it make you have gas? Cause if so I'll pass sweetheart You got da IBS I would have to guess cause you stink up your dress when you fart Peeyou!

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Instant Nostalgia - July 2, 2008

Vh-1's "I love the 80's" was great fun.  Who doesn't love looking back while quasi-celebrities and failed comedians make snarky comments about your fond childhood memories?  It worked because the 20 plus years since then has given us time to acknowledge how desperately retarded yet incredibly fun that decade was....and now we can revisit that time with the benefit of hindsight and mock our past stupidity relentlessly!  Retrospect as pop-satirical fun! But now Vh-1 has gone and made "I Love the New Millennium", a program that should not even be contemplated for a good decade, at LEAST.  I don't understand the reason behind it's creation.  How can something that happened a few years ago qualify as nostalgic?  Oh, I remember in the olden days when terrorists hijacked our freedoms and changed the face of the world forever.  Those were the days!  I'll concede that the show is addictive, but it has no right to exist.  I mean, what's next?  "I Love the Last Few Seconds of my Life?"  They already have "Best Week Ever", a show that glamorizes the scintillating drama of daily pop-culture and thus renders every accomplishment and actual achievement in this world irrelevant.  When the mundane is treated as significant, all greatness loses it's meaning.  Elsworth Toohey, from Ayn Rand's the Fountainhead....completely understood this, and used it as a means to undermine talent and take power away from the individual.  I pray that those in power aren't creating these shows for the same purpose.

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My Junk and Me - July 1, 2008 I've noticed that my penis, silent though it seems, has a distinct voice.  It's usually a fucking dick, but sometimes it can be gentle, and warm.  It speaks to me in riddles.  It carries with it a sense of solemn pride and dignity. It influences every faculty of my mind until all I am left with is my cock's desire.   My balls hang there in quiet subservience, allowing my junk to make all of the decisions without anger, or resentment.  They sit there with an eager resolve ...a longing to be touched, to feel the heat of a woman's breath hovering inches over their glistening genital glory...and yet, they make no attempts to take control.  Their lazy, sedentary lifestyle demands no action other than what General Jack-son is able to bring them. My anal cavity, on the otherhand, is a complete asshole.  He'll wake me up at night spouting nonsense.  He vomits a brown, muddy concoction that smells like shit constantly.  He's used to having his own way, and doesn't take no for an answer.  He eats meat, pounding tubes of it into his hungry mouth twice daily.  He sings to me in the shower.  He's a smelly, bearded son of a bitch who demands satisfaction.  I hate my ass.

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